of course NOW!

Kaylie was home from school sick on Friday. Now Claire is sneezing. "It's just allergies!" I say to myself. But no. When Claire asks for medicine on her own, you can be pretty sure she's feeling yucky. Damn it. And of course, now my throat hurts, my chest is tight and I feel like I have a fever.

Bed sounds good right about now.

breath...blessed breath!

It's over. I didn't have an acute asthma attack tonight. I'm not hunched over pillows battling for air. I'm not coughing every time I try to lay down. I can lay down and actually relax! Ahhh, the little luxuries life has to offer. I'm able to enjoy them again. Breathing. Laying down. Eating. I don't quite have walking and talking at the same time down yet, but I can deal with that. It'll come in time. Just to be able to sit here and breathe in and out...inhale and exhale without feeling like I'm drowning or being choked to death. Beautiful, beautiful breath.

I haven't had a breathing treatment since 9:45PM and I'm able to blow over 400 on my peak flow meter. My target peak flow is 450+ and my danger zone is 250. I've been blowing 300-350 for the past few days. Last night it was 275. That was Bad.

I don't know what it could be...the Allegra? Not overdosing on albuterol? Keeping my kitty outside? Putting the blooming shamrock outside? Hyland's Nerve Tonic? Whatever it is, I'll take it. It's working. I may even go have a snack right now...I have an appetite again!! :)

so tired...

I'm SO TIRED today.

• tired of struggling to breathe
• tired of constantly scrounging for food around this barren house
• tired of coughing
• tired of wheezing
• tired of laundry
• tired of this fungus-infested 20 year old carpet
• tired of hearing the kids bicker
• tired of having no health care
• tired of calling doctors for an appointment this week
• tired of them all telling me no because the doctors are on vacation this week
• tired of having a backyard that is not fenced in and nothing but dirt
• tired of choking
• tired of not sleeping
• tired of praying, to no avail
• tired of hoping beyond hope that things will change

I'm just so, so, so, so, so tired.

asthma beast

I'm currently battling the Asthma Beast. Hooked up to my nebulizer. The funny thing is that if I'm out of the house, I'm fine. I can take deep breaths and feel great. But at home, I'm a mess. A jittery, albuterol-fueled mess. I can't sleep; I'm constantly shaking and sweating. What is it in my home that is such poison for me?

Anyway, all my efforts are going in to breathing these days. Too bad, cause I have lots to say.