yesterday and today

I didn't post yesterday.
We're having a hard time getting over this stomach bug. Kaylie is on round two of it and stayed home today due to being up all night long, poor girl. My stomach perpetually hurts and Claire just...stinks.
Josh got home Sunday night and started a new job being filmed on the Disney lot the very next morning. And...we had to cross the picket line. I say "we" because I dropped him off and picked him up the first day. He's not in any union (yet) and he's not doing the writers' job, so he's not technically a scab, is he?

I lost our children today

I've never done that before. I've known where they were every second of their 10 and 6 years together. I couldn't find them after school. I raced laps around the school; across the playground, past the kinder building, into one hallway, checking classrooms and bathrooms, swing around the other hallway, still checking everywhere, trying to control my rising panic. They were supposed to meet in front of room 16 for the jewelry sale but the sale was called off. Claire was freaking because she'd been told what to do, damn it, and she didn't want to get busted. Kaylie finally met up with Claire and out of the goodness of her heart because she didn't want her baby sister to cry (which means she wanted to buy some jewelry, of course!), asked the teacher who was doing the jewelry sale if she'd bring in the stuff anyway so they could buy something. Lovely teacher that she is, she did. I was actually talking to that teacher when I was walking in to school and she was carrying a box of jewelry. Hey, I had to cut her some slack, we've never had her as a teacher. She didn't know those were my kids. I started alerting teachers and other parents while I ran laps and called anyone I knew who might have seen my girls. For about 90 seconds I stood on the steps in front of the school with my heart heavy as a rock in my gut, told myself that it was time to call Josh. I couldn't find our children. Our daughters, our babies, the golden children we'd be nothing without. I was sure someone saw them alone and took them for themselves and I was going to have to kill myself. And then they appeared like two blue-eyed, brown-haired angels and I wanted to throttle the little jewelry-saturated grins off their faces. They faded quickly enough once they realized what had been going on. They'd been in the classroom - a bungalow - during my frenzy. I took the drive home to cool off (by telling them I couldn't talk to them yet, they were already sobbing at that point) and then got their stories. We cried, hugged, called Daddy and talked about all the different reasons for waiting in the allotted area near the office and how they'd given me a headache I'd never be able to get rid of.

A few hours later we were off to Family Movie Night at school which was a whole new fresh sort of hell. Post-dinner parents burping and farting up a storm in a small-ish auditorium watching Shrek 2 while the kids run around screaming, screaming, screaming , screaming. So much screaming! Without them though, the silence would be deafening.

it's good to be back

School started today. Both girls got the teachers I requested - hooray for small triumphs! A good teacher makes all the difference. The girls were SO excited for the first day, all tummy-flutters and new clothes and shoes and backpacks. I even made them little crafty name tags for their backpacks. We saw all our old friends and teachers and realized how much we'd missed them over the summer. It's so nice to be back into a routine and to have happy, tired kids at the end of the day.

guess who met her IEP goals?

Clairey! Woo-hoo! I had the camera at school today so I snapped a quick shot of Claire and her speech therapist Mrs. Jackson. I think both of them are too cute for words.

Doesn't she look like her mother?

sweetheart ball pics

six years old

We celebrated at American Girl Place where Claire received her first American Girl doll, Nicki, all courtesy of her beyond generous Nana.

My baby Clairey girl. Six years ago today, stubborn from the second you were born. You've taught me more than you realize. I love you for all that you are and I always will.

christmas girlies

in writing on an official document

But it's really not about me. It's about Claire and her first ever report card. (okay, a little bit about me, too)

"Claire is one of the most charming and caring students I have ever had the privilege to teach. She is also academically gifted and eager to learn. This is a dream come true for any educator. I love to see her perform, dance, and sing. Thank you for supporting my endeavors to assist Claire to reach for the stars. I have no doubt that she can and will succeed in reaching her highest potential, both intellectually and socially. Let's keep working together toward our common quest to improve her skills in all the standards, but with a particular focus on writing and comprehension. Let's also encourage her to believe in herself and her many talents. Be proud of your exquisite parental skills!"

I'm just sayin'.
(and yes, super proud of my kid)

the farm

Create Your Own!

costume pics!

Claire as Jasmine, complete with Raja

Kaylie as Hermione and Hannah as Hannah Montana, natch.

(Kaylie is carrying books labeled "Defense Against The Dark Arts" and "Magical Beasts and Where To Find Them", as well as a S.P.E.W. badge - HOW HERMIONE IS THAT?!)

and the piece de resistance...my little brother Paul as Randy "Macho Man" Savage.

(if you don't know who he is, look him up and check out the comparison)

I did the search for you so all you have to do is click! Do it now!

check out my girl!

It's the end of the first month of school and check Claire out. She still cries when I leave her in class, but check her out! She dictated the story to me. Insisted on the third sentence. I wrote the sentences out on kindergarten-lined paper and she copied them, diligently using her finger to space between words. She gets where a period goes. She's so stinkin' smart it floors me.

Yes the scan is horribly crooked. She obviously didn't get her smarts from me. ;)

eventful day

The first day of school! Woo-hoo! School rocks, doesn't it kids? Yeah it does! Let's go!
NOT!
I don't want summer to be over! I don't want to deal with schedules and pick-ups and drop-offs and lame principals and teacher drama and "I don't want to gooooo" whining. I want to spend my days at the beach, as I please,

my baby

I miss my baby girl. Claire's growing up has affected me so much more than when Kaylie was growing up, probably because I had less time to notice all the "lasts". Last day of preschool, last day home with mom, last summer before starting her school career, last day with a full set of baby teeth.

Claire had the same advantages as Kaylie did. Both of them slept with one parent or the other until they were about four years old. Kaylie started kindergarten at age 4 and the transition to her own room and bed was sudden and pretty efficient. Again, there seemed to be so much else going on back then and I just didn't notice it as much.

Claire has been in her own bed in her own room for several months now. And it hurts. I miss her. I don't necessarily miss her flinging her legs over my back or hanging on to my nipple for dear life. I miss seeing her first smile when she wakes up in the morning. I miss napping with her and smelling the sunshine in her hair. I miss her soft fingers stroking my arm or ear or hair or neck. She starts school this fall. She's so ready. She's going to love her days full of learning and reading and playing with friends. She's going to love her teacher, whose daily wisdom will mean more than mine. She's going to lose baby teeth and permanent, adult teeth will take their place. My mei-mei.

There will be no more babies for us. With all that is going on in our lives, there just isn't room or time or money or any spare emotion to fit another person into our family. The dog is enough effort. There are plenty of babies around for us to hold and smell and cuddle and play with. We won't be lacking for babies. But I will miss mine.

My babies. Yes, I'm hormonal right now, but tonight the thought of all that has passed during their growing up just hurts.
But I wouldn't have it any other way.

oh my clairey

My poor girl who hardly ever gets sick is sick. Really sick. She couldn't stop coughing so I called the insurance medline thing and the nurse recommended taking her in. I called the doctor at 1:10 and they take their last walk-in patient at 1:00. Oh really? Thanks. That's helpful. So I had to take her to the ER. By then the coughing was calmed a bit and she slept in my lap in the waiting room and the hospital room. But luckily she's fine. No wheezing, her lungs are fine. No steroids, no albuterol. What she does have is a stinkin' ear infection! Amoxicillin all over again.

Fun way to spend a Saturday, eh?

the payback child

Everyone warned me that Kaylie was an unusually easy child. I heard what they were saying, but I didn't listen. I was confident that Kaylie's sweet demeanor was due to my diligent attachment parenting. I'll admit it - I was smug. And then I was blessed with child #2.

Early on, Claire was different. Even in utero, she never seemed to stop kicking. At the hospital (when I was having an asthma attack) the nurses couldn't keep the monitors on my belly for Claire's constant movement. She wasn't one for napping or sleeping. She screamed almost constantly and couldn't be soothed. I was often sure that I was speaking the wrong language to her, we were that disconnected. On the flip side, she's talented in ways I never dreamed possible. She's a born performer, dancer, singer. She's captivating.

We almost lost her last week. Despite all our warnings and thinking she was old enough to know better, she decided to play with the dog's metal choke chain, a plug and an electrical socket. Josh and I were in the garage having a discussion (how I wish we'd been doing something more illicit or exciting) and saw the lights flicker. It immediately set off Josh's internal alarm, but I passed it off as the old wiring in the house. Then came the pounding at the garage door and we both rushed in. Claire was so frightened that she couldn't speak. She could just motion toward the area of the offense. I was the first to spot the singe marks on the wall and the choke chain partly attached to the leash and the other ring of the choke chain melted to the metal prongs of the plug. She'd put the plug through the end ring of the chain and attempt to plug it in. Thank heavens she was holding the plastic part of the plug and not touching ANY metal. She came away unscathed, with nothing but soot marks on her hand. Even to type this all out makes my heart pound and my stomach turn, thinking of all the horrible ways this could have turned out. And yes, we stepped up our child-proofing and Claire-watching.

Or so we thought.

As I crawled into bed last night, I just couldn't resist curling up around Claire who had fallen asleep in our bed. She was so sweet in her little nightgown and her face buried in my pillow. I reached out to pull her closer to me and that's when I noticed her finger. She'd wrapped a stray piece of thread around and around and around her finger and fallen asleep. Her finger was terribly discolored and it felt like forever before I could unwind the whole thing. My reaction (yelling "OH CRAP!") had woken her up screaming and she sobbed for a good half hour. I couldn't stop thanking my lucky stars (or Claire's very attentive guardian angels) that I saw the finger before putting her in her own bed. And yes, we let her sleep in our bed last night.

the care and feeding of belly buttons

Claire is currently obsessed with rolling up her shirt as high as she can to show her belly. She is only allowed to do this in the house. I hate it, of course, but I'm banking on her getting it out of her system now.

So today I notice that her belly button (a bit of an outie, btw) is a little dirty. Easy enough to fix. I alert Claire to the situation and she is instantly fascinated with learning exactly how to clean this schmutzy belly button. I tell her we'll do it with lotion and a q-tip. She's cool with that. We go into my room, I get out the supplies and apply a dab of lotion to her belly button and swirl it around. She is enjoying this way too much. Then with the clean q-tip, I sweep around the bellyish button and remove the schmutz. I show Claire the teeny bit of dirt on the q-tip to prove my point - mom wasn't lying about the dirty belly button. The following conversation happened when we were finished:

Claire: MOM! My belly button is so clean! And smooth! We should do this every day.

Mom: No sweetie, every day isn't good for your belly button. Only once in a while and mommy will help you.

Claire: OK. Wow Mom, you really knew how to do this. You're a GENIUS!"

Yes baby, I know. I'm glad you've figured it out this early. Please help me to convince your sister. I love ya.

this-n-that

Happy Birthday to my Grammy, who is 85 today!

Welcome to the world Camaili Xeris (Kuh-mai-lee Cee-reese) who arrived less than 2 hours ago. She weighs 7 pounds, 10 ounces and is 19.5 inches long. Congrats to Jannette, Peter, PJ and Viani!

And Jannette - I TOLD YOU IT WAS A GIRL!!!

I finished reading Good Grief today. I about cried through the whole book. Between the book's subject matter (a young widow) and just getting my husband back after two weeks, it hit pretty close to home. I don't remember being more grateful for my wonderful, sweet husband who is also my best friend. To have him home to warm my feet in bed or his strong hands to hold is a gift I'll never stop thanking the universe for. That we've found each other is a miracle. I don't ever want to be without him.

Meanwhile, manipulation runs rampant with The Neighbors. Suddenly because I had to back out of doctor appointment duty due to Kaylie being sick - AGAIN (but that's another story) - I'm undependable, ungrateful and worthless. She doesn't realize how thinly her spite is veiled and how even if it were better hidden, I would still be able to hear it. I'm familiar with contempt, especially coming from her. But no, I took my sick kid who stayed home from school to the doctor and she had to end up taking her own mother to a later, re-scheduled appointment. Oh, the horror. I was responsible for my shit, she was responsible for hers. What-thefuck-EVER.

So the girls had their physicals Monday and all measures up well. The most exciting thing is that Kaylie is now on a regimen of Singulair, Flonase and albuterol for pre-exercise. I'm really hopeful that this will all work out for her and we won't have any more of these nightmare allergy attacks. Claire is slightly anemic and needs to take vitamins, but has so far refused. Kaylie also still needs a fiber supplement, but has refused those too. So tomorrow we call the doctor for a prescription for Miralax for Kaylie and liquid vitamins for Claire.

my boyfriend's back...

...but no one's in trouble. How did I ever survive without him?
The girls are over the moon. Kaylie keeps stroking his arm and giving him random kisses and snuggles. Claire just needs Daddy for everything. He's surprised at how Kaylie's grown up in the past few weeks too.

Swimming again today. It must have been a thousand degrees. We wouldn't survive if we weren't able to be in the water! I love the beginning of summer (btw, Spring only lasts a few weeks in my opinion). New bathing suits, new goggles, pool toys, sunscreen. Of course I had to try the new Coppertone Continuous Spray sunblock and I give it two thumbs up for beach use. It does leave a dry film after swimming, but application took like 5 seconds for each kid and you don't need to rub it in. Just let it dry. At the pool, I'd just go with regular sunscreen. Doesn't make much difference.

Cat got a lizard yesterday. It lived. I released it. Another whopper. Where's my counter?

We went to the 5 Freeway Series yesterday, also known as the Dodgers vs. Angels game at Dodger Stadium. It was the girls' first professional baseball game. It totally rocked, except that the Angels won. We had nachos, Dodger Dogs (which Claire wolfed down in record time, shocking us all), peanuts (yeah, I caught the bag with my right hand and the left side of my face. if only Dodgervision had caught that moment!), cotton candy and MORE nachos. There's nothing like singing the National Anthem in a stadium full of people on a warm near-summer night. Talk about feeling patriotic. I'm so glad my kids got to experience that for the first time!

Sigh. Joshie's home. My world is complete again.

a whole week

It's been a week since Josh left. It will be a week until he gets home. It feels like a week since I've last sat down to take any time for myself and write.

Kaylie started out sick last Saturday. Just a cough and cold, but that coughing bullshit is hard for me, what with all the lovely issues I have. I know it's hard on her too, so believe me I try my best to comfort her. Then Claire got sick. Stayed home from school on Thursday cause she coughed all day. I'm not mentioning the unthinkable because I really can't deal with anyone else being sick right now and so far, so good.

Something (most likely a lizard) crawled up inside my washing machine and died. I kid you not. Now I know what decomposition smells like. Shudder. If it weren't so freaking hot outside I might even take it upon myself to take the washer apart - it's that bad. But no, it's 91 degrees outside and I'm just barely managing to keep groceries in the house and the bills paid. The weight of the world is literally on my shoulders. (LITERALLY! Hee. That skit was on MadTV the other day)

I have a sharp pain in the center and to the left of my chest. Is that bad?

We're kicking off summer early tomorrow and going to Steph's to swim. Thank goodness the weather is back. Normal, hot California weather. The kind of weather that we pay good money for! This is such a great time of year - school's ending, Open House is coming up (still one of my favorite school events!), all the stores break out the red, white and blue decorations, the sand toys, the shorts, the sunscreen. I get to break out the summer clothes. Pack up the sweaters and long sleeves. We get to play at the park in the evening when it's still warm. Summer fruits and vegetables. Barbecuing. Swimming all day at Steph's. Boogie boarding at the beach. Sand everywhere - and I don't even mind! Sleeping good, long, tired sleeps until we get up and start all over again the next day. No set bedtimes. We can stay out late every night. I love summer.

of course NOW!

Kaylie was home from school sick on Friday. Now Claire is sneezing. "It's just allergies!" I say to myself. But no. When Claire asks for medicine on her own, you can be pretty sure she's feeling yucky. Damn it. And of course, now my throat hurts, my chest is tight and I feel like I have a fever.

Bed sounds good right about now.