the payback child

Everyone warned me that Kaylie was an unusually easy child. I heard what they were saying, but I didn't listen. I was confident that Kaylie's sweet demeanor was due to my diligent attachment parenting. I'll admit it - I was smug. And then I was blessed with child #2.

Early on, Claire was different. Even in utero, she never seemed to stop kicking. At the hospital (when I was having an asthma attack) the nurses couldn't keep the monitors on my belly for Claire's constant movement. She wasn't one for napping or sleeping. She screamed almost constantly and couldn't be soothed. I was often sure that I was speaking the wrong language to her, we were that disconnected. On the flip side, she's talented in ways I never dreamed possible. She's a born performer, dancer, singer. She's captivating.

We almost lost her last week. Despite all our warnings and thinking she was old enough to know better, she decided to play with the dog's metal choke chain, a plug and an electrical socket. Josh and I were in the garage having a discussion (how I wish we'd been doing something more illicit or exciting) and saw the lights flicker. It immediately set off Josh's internal alarm, but I passed it off as the old wiring in the house. Then came the pounding at the garage door and we both rushed in. Claire was so frightened that she couldn't speak. She could just motion toward the area of the offense. I was the first to spot the singe marks on the wall and the choke chain partly attached to the leash and the other ring of the choke chain melted to the metal prongs of the plug. She'd put the plug through the end ring of the chain and attempt to plug it in. Thank heavens she was holding the plastic part of the plug and not touching ANY metal. She came away unscathed, with nothing but soot marks on her hand. Even to type this all out makes my heart pound and my stomach turn, thinking of all the horrible ways this could have turned out. And yes, we stepped up our child-proofing and Claire-watching.

Or so we thought.

As I crawled into bed last night, I just couldn't resist curling up around Claire who had fallen asleep in our bed. She was so sweet in her little nightgown and her face buried in my pillow. I reached out to pull her closer to me and that's when I noticed her finger. She'd wrapped a stray piece of thread around and around and around her finger and fallen asleep. Her finger was terribly discolored and it felt like forever before I could unwind the whole thing. My reaction (yelling "OH CRAP!") had woken her up screaming and she sobbed for a good half hour. I couldn't stop thanking my lucky stars (or Claire's very attentive guardian angels) that I saw the finger before putting her in her own bed. And yes, we let her sleep in our bed last night.

I'm a great aunt!

Um, the GREATEST, of course!

Congratulations to Domonique and Brandon on the birth of

Liliana Michelle

February 23, 2006
6 pounds, 10 ounces
19 inches
7:03 am

two weeks, two funerals

I think the title is self-explanatory. Funerals are hard, but one on top of the other is, safe to say, harder.

On February 13 my lovely sister-in-law's father passed away. He was an unusually interesting man and we enjoyed our last visit with him, listening to war stories and jokes he pulled. His wife passed away last April, so my SIL lost both of her parents within 10 months. Not fair. "I'm too young," she told me on the phone. I can't help but agree. It's just so sad.

On February 20 our lifelong neighbor Fred Rafols passed away. The Rafols family are one of the few remaining "originals" in our neighborhood, and Fred has always been the most colorful. His boys are a year older and a year younger than I am, and we've gone to school together our whole lives. My emotions have run quite the gamut since the funeral yesterday. I have so much to say, but I'm wrought out. Some things are better left private, I suppose.

keeping up!

Robin tagged me! I'm making a real attempt at keeping up with this here bloggie. I swear I am.

List 10 things about you. 6 lies and 4 truth. We can try to guess which ones are true and which ones are not. You can reveal the truth after Saturday.

1. I sang backup on a religious music album.
2. I believe I can talk to animals.
3. I love to knit.
4. Fall and Winter are my favorite seasons.
5. I want more children.
6. I was a metal head at one point in my life.
7. I had an idyllic childhood.
8. I plan to write and publish a book within the next 5 years.
9. I love to swim.
10. I have a major sweet tooth and can't keep my hands off candy.

Whoops, I guess I did five truths and five lies. Oh well. There they are, lies in red.

early valentine's day gift

I hope my grin is visible from here! It's so beyond perfect, so totally me. It's smaller and more delicate than it appears and falls in exactly the right spot. I couldn't be happier.

hey frectis!

Guess who's back? Back again. Carmer's back. Tell a friend.

Really I'm back to share a loverly "could only happen to me" story from yesterday, but I wanted to start off with this meme/poll/questionnaire thing that Frectis sent me a few weeks ago (but in my mind it was just a few days ago) cause I miss her. And I guess I have been shirking my friend entertaining duties for some time now.

Four Jobs You Have Had in Your Life:
-love slave
-mother
-wife
-fake mannequin modeling prom dresses

Four Movies You Would Watch Over and Over
(I'm not a movie head, so I'm digging deep here)
-Alice In Wonderland
-Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the original version)
-Half Baked
-any 80's era John Hughes movie

Four Places You Have Lived
-Chatsworth, CA
-Reseda, CA
-Valencia, CA
-the other side of Hacienda Heights, CA

Four TV Shows You Like To Watch
-Family Guy
-Project Runway
-Law & Order
-Wife Swap/Trading Spouses/Supernanny/Nanny 911-types

Four Places You Have Been On Vacation
-Cape Cod, MA
-Catalina Island, CA
-Austin, TX
-Las Vegas, NV

Four Websites You Visit Daily
-gmail
-Gretchen
-ONTD
-dooce

Four Favorite Foods
-Ben & Jerry's
-potato salad
-the ubitiquous "big salad"
-MEAT

Four Places I Would Rather Be Right Now
-napping
-asleep
-a warm beach (doesn't even have to be tropical)
-shopping

Four Bloggers I Am Tagging
-Gretchen, and only Gretchen cause I'm a sad, lonely blogger who has been out of blogging for the past few months

finally, a decent picture!

revised due dates

I GOT MY PUPPY!

Merrybirthdayvalentineversary to me!

I finally got my long awaited puppy. He's a Rottweiler/Boxer mix but he looks like a Boxer. He's brindle (black with brown) and white. He's six weeks old and too cute for words. The fawn puppy is his sister.

His name is Buddy.

feck. sick.

While I may admit to actually enjoy the changing of the seaons (now that we actually seem to have seasons in CA!) at the moment, I do want to tell Fall to suck balls because of sickness season. I don't know how I'm the only one who managed to pick up this lovely little cold thing I have going, but I am. Sick. And when mama is sick, the house doesn't run. Actually, this time is better than most because I can get up and get things done every once in a while - it just feels like my head is stuffed with cotton and three times too big for my body. But don't worry....I can manage.

Josh is on his way home with his mom's pocket puppy that we get to puppysit for 9 days. Should be interesting, no? Especially with the other cat now hanging out and sleeping in the garage since it's been raining.

And that's about all I have time for, boys and girls. Back to bed.

replacing the deleted post

Before I get into the details of our day, I need to get something off my chest. I had to delete one of my posts this morning because I mentioned someone by name and they found it. I don't know what they hell he was doing but I'm imagining it was a vanity search or a search for Josh. Either way, he saw the shit I wrote about him and his wife and their rhyming names AND THEN confronted Josh, as if he had anything to do with it. He didn't, and he doesn't, other than asking me to delete the post. I did, but I only did it for him. I really didn't want to. Whatever I have to say to you, I am more than happy to say it to your face, except I don't plan on ever seeing you again. Josh may be a wonderful, forgiving friend, but I am not, especially when you fuck over Josh more than once. I am nothing if not loyal.

eight

There she is, my sweet birthday girl. She turned eight years old today. Eight years ago I gave birth for the first time. Eight years ago I met my sweet dream baby girl Kaylie. I can hardly believe that she's made it all these eight years without me standing over her and watching her breathe. Oh, of course I still do it, but I let longer stretches go in between. Like days instead of minutes. If you have kids, you can't say you don't know what I'm talking about.

We started off the day with Krispy Kreme doughnuts, candles and present opening. Kaylie loved her boots. Loved the other shoes. Was so excited that....her stomach started to hurt She needed to go potty before we left for school so I told her to take her time. Then I went to check on her and she was puking on the floor. Somatoform disorder, anyone? Like mother, like daughter, yes? So I kept her home from school. She made sure we picked up her homework after school, went to Sunshine Generation practice and got fancy for the Birthday Dinner, which was at BJ's this year. Nani and Paul joined us. Nani gave Kaylie a pair of opal earrings and Paul gave her the new Hilary Duff CD. Oh, but best of all was the Pizookie! YUM!

costumes

From now until Saturday, all my posts will be pointed in the general direction of the Bahamas.

Costumes! No shit, it's been about 5 years (maybe 6!) since we had Halloween costumes well before the actual day. So much more to choose from! Go figure, huh? This year we're having a "Purple Shimmer Witch" and Ariel, aka "The Little Mermaid". We still need some accessories for Kaylie's costume, and shoes for Claire, but we got the actual costume. Yahoo!

All the rest of the stuff has been done - Kaylie's boots for tomorrow morning (so sad that daddy misses his girl's birthday!), treats for the class (individually wrapped rice krispies treats that I'll add a little bow or ribbon to) and food from Costco. (tonight we're having chicken and mozzarella ravioli and asparagus!)

Word from the Heights. Over and out.

Btw, the speech therapist said that when we didn't show up or call last week, she assumed something beyond my control happened. Yeah, beyond Claire's control too, apparently. (stomach flu) She said that she was telling Terri (Fergie's mom) that I'm a "really responsible mom" and that I wouldn't just not show up without calling for no reason. :) Heh. Got her snowed, don't I?

it's gettin' hot in hurrrr

It's 7:30pm. It's 88 degrees.

So I guess we found that strange late heat wave that my TX girlfriends were complaining about. (and I mean complaining in the nicest way, girls!) Holy crap, it's hot! But who loves the hot weather? Meeeeeee!

Here's a current photo of our visitor bird:



He/she is still doing well, eating and growing and learning how to perch. Cute as hell, I tell ya!

Notable News:

• Nicole Kidman doesn't subscribe to crazy
• Tragic. Just....tragic.
• with warm weather comes Fire Season

visitor update

Our little mourning dove fledgling is doing great. Her poops are now a normal consistency; she's definitely eating. I made a little gruel with parakeet seed and water. The parakeet seed has little bits of kibble that soften up and break apart and the seeds soften up nicely. She has a little dish of water that she drinks from also.



I took her outside this morning and again this afternoon and she foraged and pecked in the dirt for seeds and grit, just like a grown-up birdie would. So cute, with her little pigeon walk! The second time though, she flew a good 10 feet away from me and up. She flew away to the other side of the yard when I tried to get her so I snapped her up real quick. (yes, gently) It's going to rain here later PLUS the crows/mockingbirds/hawks/skunks/cats/possums would totally get the little bird overnight. She has hardly any feathers underneath, I know she would get too cold. Still, I hope that by the time she's able to fly away for good she'll be a little older and more filled out. I just want her to have the best chance at survival on her own.

Oh, and did I mention (she said, ever so casually) that MY HUSBAND IS HOME?! He is! Really! It's him! The girls and I are so happy we can hardly stand it.

visitor

Lookit what we found flopping around outside today!


Poor little birdie. I left him outside to see if his parents would come back, but no such luck. I brought him inside around 5:30 when it started getting cool. He won't eat and I can feel his keel (sternum bone) which isn't good. But I'll put him back outside tomorrow and see if his parents come back for him. (also, when did he turn into a he for sure? he was a she to me earlier) I got lots of good information from here: http://www.pigeons.biz/forums/archive/index.php/t-11406.html but I can't get it to eat. Yet. I'm going to try again as soon as I'm done here.

I made the yummiest food today! Faux Outback Steakhouse Walkabout soup and Chocolate Banana Bread. So yum. Take comfort in food, anyone?

goodnessgraciousohmygod!

Domonique is my beautiful, wonderful eldest niece. I hope this goes well for her, but told her all she has to do is come home (she's in WA) and I'll take care of her.

happy birthday, stephania!

My sister, my cousin, my copycat, my younger sibling, my best friend, my cheerleader, my sounding board, my down-and-dirty, brutally honest conversationalist. My husband's lost Virgo twin. The female version of him. No wonder we're so close! (no, not that close! not ever!)

the care and feeding of belly buttons

Claire is currently obsessed with rolling up her shirt as high as she can to show her belly. She is only allowed to do this in the house. I hate it, of course, but I'm banking on her getting it out of her system now.

So today I notice that her belly button (a bit of an outie, btw) is a little dirty. Easy enough to fix. I alert Claire to the situation and she is instantly fascinated with learning exactly how to clean this schmutzy belly button. I tell her we'll do it with lotion and a q-tip. She's cool with that. We go into my room, I get out the supplies and apply a dab of lotion to her belly button and swirl it around. She is enjoying this way too much. Then with the clean q-tip, I sweep around the bellyish button and remove the schmutz. I show Claire the teeny bit of dirt on the q-tip to prove my point - mom wasn't lying about the dirty belly button. The following conversation happened when we were finished:

Claire: MOM! My belly button is so clean! And smooth! We should do this every day.

Mom: No sweetie, every day isn't good for your belly button. Only once in a while and mommy will help you.

Claire: OK. Wow Mom, you really knew how to do this. You're a GENIUS!"

Yes baby, I know. I'm glad you've figured it out this early. Please help me to convince your sister. I love ya.

I've said it before

...and I'm sure I'll say it again, but I just LOVE Claire's school. Technically it's a parent education class, but it's so much more. Claire has been in this program since she was about 18 months old. Now she's in the oldest class for 4-5 year olds who will start kindergarten in 2006. We have the same teacher as last year, Ms. Rena, but the routine is completely different than the 3-4 year old class. Here's how the school day goes:

• walk in, say good morning to Ms. Rena (out loud) and mommy signs in
• Claire finds her name card from the table and gives it to Ms. Rena
• work at a table activity (fine motor skills, word games, puzzles, etc.)
• after the table activity, the kids can continue playing in the class or choose to go outside
• 10:15 am, clean up (kids - table games, moms - wipe down tables and prep for snack)
• 10:20 am, everyone's favorite - CIRCLE TIME!! Wednesday is the day for girls to share and Friday is the day for boys to share. After sharing Ms. Rena writes a child's name on her little chalkboard and that child goes up to do the flag salute.. After everyone does the flag salute (kindergarten style! "please stand" and "please be seated") other kids have a chance to say the pledge in front of the class After flag salute is whatever topic is being covered that week. This week the kids learned their first and last names, their house number, street name, city name and birthdate. Each has a chance to recite it in front of the class. Then we read a story, play Simon Says and hop off for snack. (today was watermelon chunks, goldfish crackers and some kind of Chinese gel/yogurt thing that none of the kids touched) Mom snacks were moon cakes for the Chinese moon festival (I'll google it later, I have no clue what it's about other than - duh! - the moon) and green tea. (I, of course, was way too cool with my Voss water. Hah. As if I'd ever buy something like that on my own!)
• after snack is mom's discussion time, then outside play time.
• at 11:30-ish it's time to clean up (bikes inside, put away sand toys, cover sand box, etc.)
• then comes craft time and of course, the craft is directly related to what topic we're covering that week. (today was making name puzzles in the shape of a caterpillar)
• clean up, back to the rug for the adios song, and we're outta there!

Of course the moms stay around and chit chat for a while, (especially those of us who are sometimes husband-less because they're giving their lifeblood to an awards show) and the kids run around. Next week after class, we're going to lunch with Gigi and her mom Rosie. Poor Gigi was bitten by one of the kids from the 18-24 month old class. Not only did this little menace chomp down, but he didn't let go until Rosie pried his mouth open. Like a pit bull, I kid you not. The mom was SO not concerned and barely apologized. Meanwhile, Gigi has a huge welt in the shape of this devilchild's teeth over her eyebrow. And yes, it DID break the skin.

Hey, I can sympathize with the Biter's mother. I've known Biters myself - even loved one! He's now 8 years old and I can promise you he doesn't bite people anymore. But when you know you're dealing with a Biter, it's your duty as a parent to shadow the kid and make extra sure he's not using other humans as a chew toy. Ugh, it was emotional. All the moms from the 4-5 year old class started milling around Rosie with our arms crossed. Mess with one of our babies...we'll see about that, bitch!

Now to console Kaylie since she's not allowed to spend the night at Hannah's house OR call over there to see if they'll invite her over. Mean mommy!

GUESS WHAT?!?

and I can't leave out....

the emmys have consumed my husband

Tuesday he didn't get home until after 5AM. Yesterday it was around 9PM and today it will be after midnight. Oh lookie, it's already past midnight! I won't be seeing much of him until Monday. He has a hotel room out by the Shrine for Friday and Saturday nights where I may be joining him if I can get out of The Bachelorette's wedding. I hate going to weddings without my husband.

This week has been kinda sucky. I knew going into it that this was our last week of guaranteed employment and that I would be seeing less and less of Josh as the week progressed. The weather has also changed and it's now cool and wet in the mornings, warm-ish in the afternoon. Sucks. I want my California weather back! We usually don't have weather like this until February!!

Too much roadkill this week. Not only did the stupid skunk show up at my door Tuesday night (and ate all of Kitty's sister's food) but I think it had the nerve to get run over on Death Alley (the stretch of Halliburton that intersects the nursery). Yuck. And then, in front of Kaylie's school, was a little dead kitten. Grey with little white socks. :( SAD!! What a way to start the day. And when I came back to pick Kaylie up from school, the kitten was flat. Ugh.

In other animal news, we've expanded our family by rescuing two Betta fish from the 99 cent store. Their names are Jelly (as in peanut butter and) and Gwen Stefani The Fish. Can you tell whose fish is whose?

jeans!

Is there anything worse than shopping for jeans? Okay, aside from shopping for bathing suits. Shudder. But seriously, if your body is strangely shaped in any way, finding jeans that fit properly is like going on a scavenger hunt. I made my peace long ago by switching to men's jeans or stretch denim (mom jeans!) once those became common. But my poor, poor Kaylie. God bless her and her mismatched body. Josh and I really did a doozy on her! My generous bottom, dancer's thighs and freakishly non-existant waist combined with Josh's trunk-like calves, ankles and turned in feet. So yeah - she hasn't had jeans that fit her properly since she was wearing a size 4T.

Until today! We just happened to be buying some cute tees at Sears and I came across the perfect pair of jeans. No joke, it was one of those situations where the jeans were glowing on the shelf with a perfect spotlight on them, just sitting and waiting for me. Genuine Levi's, dark stretch denim. Not cut low in the waist but lower than most. Size 10 1/2. These things fit like a GLOVE. Like they were custom made for my girl. Her butt looks adorable in them! Who knew?!



Three cheers for the perfect jeans!

the thrill of a bargain

This is my third time trying to post about these shoes. If this post doesn't make it through this time, I'm moving on.

SO. This all took place on Saturday morning before Nana & Bobby's wedding. I'd decided to wear a lavender linen dress (that I last wore at my bridal shower in 1996, thankyouverymuch) and needed shoes to match. Well, it just so happened that I found the perfect pair at Mervyn's the week before. Lavender, size 10, on the clearance rack for $7.50. So totally mine! But being the cheapskate I am, I took my chances and decided to come back Saturday morning for the shoes. Translated - I sent Josh back Saturday morning. Hah! Not only were the shoes there, and still perfection, but I got my hands on the receipt and found the shoes were 50% off. Of $7.50. For a grand total of $4.05 with tax! My complete idea of perfection. Perfect shoes, on sale. Cheap sale. Laura sales. OMG, bargains get me off.

beeeeyotch!

I survived the bachelorette party. Trust me when I say that it was indeed feat within itself. Let me start out by saying that I am NOT a drinker. I prefer to indulge in other methods of achieving a buzz. Methods that do not leave one with missing chunks of memory except for being hunched over different toilets. Yet even these memories are not the most humiliating of all. There is a reason that there are so many strategically placed trash cans in Las Vegas. And that's all I'm saying.

The next point of survival was The Beeyotch. She hardly deserves capitals to her name. She was that ONE person who had to make sure she was top dog. Like an aggressive alpha bitch. Come hell, high water or hurt feelings, she was going to make sure to put any outsiders in their place. This left us in a tight spot, being the stragglers that we were coming in on Day 2 of the bachelorette weekend. And true to her bitchy soul, she outdid everyone there by dragging some random French man back to the hotel suite with unconscious women (thatwouldbeme) sleeping amongst thousands of dollars in designer purses, cell phones and digital cameras. WHAT IN HOLY HELL WAS SHE THINKING?! Apparently she wasn't. And she's a cop's wife. The wedding should be interesting, no?

For the finale of my bachelorette weekend summary, I will list the drinks I remember drinking and their quantities. And yes, I will be appropriately hanging my head in mock shame. But seriously, I'm never drinking like that again.

• Blended Strawberry Coladas - 2
• Kirin Ichiban beer - 1
• Strawberry Daiquiri - 1
• Red Bull and Vodka - 1
• vodka/cranberry - 4 or so
• Malibu rum shots - 2

august is not my favorite

I think the end of July is reason enough for anyone to be depressed. July is my absolute favorite month; August is my least favorite. (right up there with November) August is all about cramming as much as we can into what's left of summer. Swimming and the beach, mostly. Lots of weekend birthday parties and barbecues.

Other things I've been up to since July 27:

• cleaning the garage - over the course of two days we got rid of 8+ bags of trash, made the Garage Sale Mountain into something that cannot be tamed, and found just a few treasures. (like the old Landlord/Tenant book, my old cheer uniforms, my mom's prom dress, a necklace and a missing earring from 1996 that I miraculously still have the partner of
• packing up what used to be my studio/scraproom into boxes to get it ready to be Claire's room
• READING! Where or When by Anita Shreve, Drowning Ruth by Christina Schwarz, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon, Perfect Match: A Novel by Jodi Picoult and currently, Picture Perfect by Jodi Picoult

I'll try to keep up more often, but these last few days of August are precious.

no, I'm not kidding. this is my life.

After flaking out on school this morning, the rest of my day consisted of running errands. Before I packed us all up into the hot sardine-box of a car, I needed to check the available credit card balance. $45. Okay, I can do that. In my mind I cut my list of errands (prescriptions on Friday, we're not quite out yet....bird food today, we're totally out....etc.) to the bare minimum and set off. I notice my right front tire is still looking a little low. I'm perfectly capable of putting air into a tire. I just didn't want to. The heat was oppressive today. I didn't sign up for humidity, I swear to God.

Okay, so we're off to PetNo, I mean PetCo. I splurge on the cheapest possible parakeet and cockatiel food, a bag of millet and a new swing for Petey who chewed his way through his second one last night. Grand total of $11-something, until I noticed that my daughter Claire had walked out of the store with the swing and we hadn't paid for it. Back into the store to pay for it. Keep in mind that I have not one lick of cash on me, this is all credit, baby.

Off to Albertson's next. I load up on fresh veggies and fruit, the likes of which the inside of my fridge hasn't seen in weeks. Squash, peppers, onions, strawberries, salad greens. Yum. Chocolate Silk soymilk, the kids' new favorite. (take that, dairy hormones!) Some fresh chicken, lunch for tomorrow. Yogurt whips (new chocolate raspberry mousse flavor!) at 5 for $4. And in my PMS-induced frenzy, I grab a box of yellow Zingers and two cans of Pringles, which are surprisingly cheap. This will just have to do. Head to the checkout. Of course, a long line forms behind me almost instantly. My total is just over $38. Yes, I can do the math. The credit card is declined. Shit. SHIT! We try again with the same results. The line behind me gets longer. Claire is practically climbing the aisle trying to find the gum I'd promised her. Now's not the time to tell her that is out the window. I tell the understanding cashier that I'll need to put some stuff back. I grab the bag of the yogurts, the Zingers and the Pringles, which brings my total to $30. The credit card gives me its acceptance. The cashier comments on my quick ability to realize what to put back. Hah. Is it even a choice? Meanwhile, the kids are orbiting me, whining. "Why did we have to put stuff back, Mommy?" "Where are my Zingers, Mommy?" WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY over and over and over. The bagger girl gives the kids blue happy face stickers to distract them. In an attempt to get my attention, Claire plants one in the center of my chest. Once I'd shut the kids up enough to explain the situation quietly and get outside to the parking lot, I looked down to notice the sticker. In addition to the blue smile, it read:

Life is Terrific!

Bite me. (I added that)

the mockingbirds are agitated

Poor mockingbirds. I heard a ruckus this afternoon and went outside to see what was going on. There was a hawk or falcon, I'm not sure which yet, sitting on the makeshift ladder leading up the bank of our backyard. Two furious mockingbirds were darting directly at the hawk. When it saw me, it took off and that's when I noticed the big fluffy chick in its talons. Such are the ways of nature, I know, but the damned mockingbirds won't shut up. They're all over the place calling for the chick, or a warning call, or something. As soon as I find my bird book I'll post links.

shopping spree!

Thanks to my two favorite N's - Nina and Nordstrom's! After Dylan's camp rendition of Cats this afternoon, we all enjoyed some famous Slippery Shrimp from Yang Chow. And DAMN do they have the best dumplings ever! Anyway, we braved the parking lots and headed into Nordstrom to the children's shoe department. We had an absolute angel of a cute little pregnant saleswoman and ended up with 3 pairs of shoes for Kaylie and 1 for Claire. (both girls got this pair) The real damage was done in the girls clothing department. Kaylie ended up with 5 tank tops, a cute little white skirt with shorts under, a cover-up type dress, a bathing suit and a necklace each for Kaylie and her best friend Victoria. Sheesh! My grandmother wouldn't have bought my damn friend anything!

Claire got three complete little Roxy outfits - skirt/skorts, shirt, matching jacket. So cute....she is SUCH a Roxy girl!

Here's the kicker - Nina took me to the makeup counter and bought me new Bobbi Brown foundation, foundation brush and eyeshadow. I have foundation that actually matches my skin tone and gives me - gasp! - coverage! The brush is perfect for applying makeup to areas of my face that might need more coverage now that I'm older. Pfffft. And the taupe eyeshadow in the crease really adds a finished look to my previously frumpy and unadorned mom-face. It's been years, literally, since I've bought anything from a makeup counter. But now I remember what an absolute luxury it is to have good foundation. Definitely worth a splurge.

Skunk Central - Day 2

Really, the smell is better. Much better than last night. And others say we don't smell like skunk, which is really a point in our favor. But....the smell is in Josh's hands. I LOVE HIS HANDS! They're one of my most favorite things about Joshie, except that they now smell like burnt hair. I really don't know what to do next. I'd love it if someone would shell out for a few new candles or something, but really, why? And I'm sure an apology never even crossed her mind. That makes me brew.

On the other hand, it's one more reason to pull up the carpet.

the end of skunk friendliness

So much to write about! I had a draft all ready to go to cover yesterday's events which included me nearly passing out due to a terrible back spasm or pinched nerve. I thought I was going to die, seriously. I've never felt pain like that in my life.

Tonight was so much better. So much more interesting, especially with the twist of wild animals vs. domestic animals. Predator vs. prey. Dopiness vs. defense mechanisms.

Bruno vs. The Skunk.

Bruno is my cousin Steph's beloved year-old Boxer. He's adorable, dopey, stupid and a genius, all at the same time. I love him. WE love him. I let him take food from my mouth and sneak him treats every chance I get. Bruno is always welcome at our house. In fact, he was visiting tonight. While Bryan ran an errand, Josh watched Bruno and taught Bruno to walk through the oh-so-classy tear in our screen door. We laughed, Josh and I....so carefree! Thinking of how Bruno would try to walk through the screen door at home. Little did we know what was to come.

While we were sitting at the table eating dinner, Bruno dashes out the screen FAST. Josh and Steph are up and yelling at Bruno to stop. I crane my neck (my sprained neck, at that!) and see Bruno pouncing on a small black animal. With a white stripe. That's when I jumped up and yelled for Bruno, too.

Although we didn't smell it yet, Bruno got sprayed in the face once and in the chest once. In her panic, Steph brought Bruno through my house foaming and spitting and covered in skunk stink. Bruno stopped at his doggie bed in my house before finally being dragged outside. Josh and Steph were in charge of the dog - I wasn't touching him. I called Bryan to tell him what happened and to bring home tons of tomato juice. J&S were hosing Bruno down. Meanwhile, my whole house smells like sulphur. The smell of skunk spray outside is nothing compared to being in close quarters with the stuff. After much panic and much internet research, here's what we did to get rid of the smell, both in the house and on the dog:

• tomato juice = wet dog covered in skunk stink that smells like tomato sauce from a can
• Simple Green = hey, it's non-toxic! Steph didn't want to use it on the dog, but Josh washed his hands in it and I'm soaking his clothes in it
• bowls of vinegar (white and apple cider) around the house, about 5
• Downy liquid fabric softener mixed with water in a spray bottle*

*I must say that this last trick rules in terms of house funk in general. The vanilla lavender fancy schmancy Downy in the purple bottle smells much nicer as an air freshener than a fabric softener.

And just in case this happens to anyone else anytime soon, here's the ultimate recipe to get the skunk stink off of your beloved furbaby. Enjoy.

On Replay:Gorillaz "Feels Good, Inc"

YAY-UH!

That was Usher singing.

Wanna know why today rocked? I won my first ever bridal shower party. The game was to make a penis out of play-dough. I was given a tub of blue play-doh and the guy next to me (yeah, a guy at a bridal shower....wanna make somethin' of it?!) had a tub of pink. We were given toothpicks to add detail. The Guy and I put our heads together and came up with quite a sculpture - veiny blue balls and a bright pink shaft, complete with a toothpick piercing. Since the prize was from Victoria's Secret, The Guy was a true gentleman and gave it all to me. (make-up bags and sachets - very cute)

I didn't win the Banana Game, but then again that's a sort of dubious achievement if there ever was one. The girl who won it was SHOCKING. There was no question that she won. She only left about 2 inches of banana out of her mouth. And yes, there are pictures of it all.

better than television

Today we went to the beach with Jana and Dylan. We had a change in routine and went to a beach in Santa Monica (LA County) rather than our usual Orange County beaches (Huntington or Newport). The first thing that struck me was the geography of the shore. It was exactly as I had a dream about a few months ago. Nothing bad or dramatic happened in the dream other than the tide rising unusually fast and us scrambling to gather our things fast enough.

Jana treated us to lunch at Back on the Beach - a cafe in the sand. Other than us frying (no sunscreen yet) and Claire falling backwards in her chair, lunch was great. Kaylie had calamari. Dylan had the BEST banana pancakes.

The kids played and attempted to boogie board but the waves were kind of rough and there were lots of rocks. They found a friend named Max who dug a huge hole/sandcastle type thing. The four of them traipsed up and down the beach collecting things to add to the hole castle.

But the absolute BEST part of the day was the dolphins! Being the bird-obsessed person I am, I was watching these huge pelicans circle the water and dive. Their dives and the subsequent splashes were awesome. I love stuff like that. While watching them dive....I spotted fins! There was a small group of dolphins diving and jumping through the water. I saw 3-4 dolphins out of the water at one time, which means that there were probably about 6-10 dolphins total. There was obviously plenty of fish in that particular part of the water, as both the pelicans and dolphins seemed to be hunting. Well, the pelicans obviously....but I did see a dolphin flip its tail out of the water. Too, too cool.

Definitely better than a Saturday sitting at home. Thanks, Jana.

hrm...

Today I'm feeling:

get the ball rolling

Did my first loan signing tonight. I'll spare the details, but it was a debacle, of course. I'm sure I did something wrong and sure that it's just all screwed up. Never mind the fact that I practically drove to Barstow when the signing was in San Bernadino. Yeah, never mind that.

I'm so tired. I have so much to say, but no time to say it. I have a whole essay on my acceptance of beach sand and its impact on my life written in my head. Seriously, there's a whole story behind all that and realizing it the other day thrilled me....reminded me of how far I've come. But unless I want to stay up until 3AM (my excuse tonight is that Josh isn't home yet), there's no "me" time to put it down on paper, disk, or even blog. Sad.

Things I'm groovin on this week:

• Diet Lipton Brisk iced tea with Lemon
• Coldplay - X&Y
• The Rapture of Canaan by Sheri Reynolds
• Freecycle OC - we got two boogie boards for the kids
• Foo Fighters "The Best of You"video. YUM.

shame on me!

Has it really been almost 10 days since I've last posted? Geez what am I, depressed? Hardy-har-har. I have one word for y'all. Actually two.

Rent. Debacle.

My dad, the wonderful, supportive and loving man that he is, told us to pay the remaining half of this month's rent or be out by the 1st. Um no....the law doesn't quite work that way. And rather than being behind "several months" in the rent, we're actually current except for the remaining half. But no, we're supposed to pack up and get out. Sure, buddy. And the fact that our relationship would be forever broken if my parents were to do that is beyond their comprehension.

So yeah, that's what's been going on.

prednisone, the wonder drug

Today I'm feeling:

So this latest attack of asthmar started sneaking up on me Thursday when I went to Uncle Army's funeral. It started out as a tickle that I couldn't clear from my throat. Later that day it started to progress to a gentle wheeze, but my breathing was fine and my peak flow numbers were great. Friday, the wheeze progressed to a rumble. Still, my breathing and peak flow numbers were kosher! Friday night I felt it getting worse and started pancking, thus exacerbating the asthma. I was OD'ing on breathing treatments. No more Singulair until Wednesday. That's when I remembered the prednisone.

Last time I was in the hospita for an attack I was put on prednisone. One pill, twice a day for 4 days. A short course, a low dose. And I have REFILLS! I hooked up those babies real quick and felt better within hours. Every time I took a dose I felt a little better. The rumble quieted back down to a wheeze. But again, as with any asthma attack, I am drained. Bone-tired, muscle drained exhausted. I didn't have much of an appetite over the weekend and my body and head ached like a villain. Today though, I was able to get up and complete a little album for my Grammy, do some housework and laundry and eat dinner wtih the family.

I just don't understand what is up with these attacks. Why the wheeze without any trouble breathing? Why were my peak flow numbers always good? If I hadn't started taking the prednisone when I did, would I have had a full-fledged attack?

states

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

baby skunk

Okay.
So we leave one of the garage doors open a crack for Kitty to go in and out until we lock up for the night. Sometimes stray cats will wander in (especially a black and copper female lately) and when we kept the food outside last year we got lots of possums and skunks! We had to draw the line there, and once we found the kittens (a year ago today) we started keeping the food inside.

Okay.
So I went out into the garage to switch loads of laundry, flick on the light and notice the movement of a small animal near the cat food bowl. It's black....but it's not Kitty! IT'S A SKUNK!!! A teeny little baby skunk. It was almost cute until it reared up on its front legs and stuck its tail up. Later, skunkie! I backed in to the house and the skunk ran into the middle of the garage. Kitty was totally not freaked.

You'd figure the skunk would have found his way out within a reasonable amount of time, right? Well, I heard something scratching outside during the night. I figured it was a stray trying to get in. The next day (today) I walked outside and smelled poop. Then I noticed poop by the door. Itty-bitty little pile - too small for my Kitty. Then Kitty and I heard the scratching again. I took my flashlight and went searching. There was the bitty baby skunk curled up on my boxes of china. Little bitty skunk poop and pee all around. So we left the doors open overnight and apparently skunk wandered out. I wonder why we didn't smell it at all? Was it so little that it didn't know to spray when I startled it in the garage? Had it never sprayed before, therefore we didn't smell it? Interesting little encounter.

another funeral....thanks, Parkinson's

Right now I'm feeling:

I don't want to be overly dramatic or anything, but today's funeral was devastating. I've searched for an obituary online but there isn't one. The church was in Monrovia, which is a quaint area I've always loved. The church was on a street named Shamrock and it was surrounded by jacaranda trees in full bloom. Just gorgeous.

I arrived fashionably late, of course. Kaylie forgot her lunch and Josh took Claire to school. But I made it. I don't know why I was taken aback by this huge coffin in the middle of the church aisle, but there it was. His four daughters in the front row...but where was my great aunt? I couldn't find her. Specifically, I couldn't find her hair. Great, now I'm gonna cry. To say that her husband's illness (Parkinson's) and death has taken a lot out of her is literal, in this case. She's lost about 50 pounds and she's not a big woman to begin with. But her hair...it was short, fine, cropped close to her head. She and my grandma always wore big bouffant hairdos. They were so cute together. Such sisters.

Well, I just couldn't deal after the funeral and bailed. I meant to hang out with my parents - specifically my dad, whose uncle it was - but I couldn't. I couldn't do the cemetary, the burial. I couldn't do the somber house that was always packed full of people and food in my memory of happier times. It will never be the same without Uncle Army there. Of course all of our loved ones who pass on become nearly perfect in our eyes, but I really don't think I ever met a nicer man than Uncle Army.

This is the second Parkinson's related funeral I've attended within the last 4 weeks. I'd like to give a big middle finger to Parkinson's Disease. I fart in its general direction.

So yeah, I'm sick. Scratchy sore throat, hot and cold flashes, headache and a constant wheeze. Lucky me - wheeeee!!! Feck. I didn't sign on for this but hey, it seems pretty par for the course as far as I go. Bad News = Emotional Laura = some sort of illness for Laura. This also means that I can't go visit Grammy tomorrow as I'd planned. We meant to go Wednesday or Thursday night, but I put it off until tomorrow. Ah, the guilt!

My sick ass is going to bed.

what's up with the moms?

I don't know about you all, but my mom is trippin' and I know of a few others who are, too.

MY MOM FORGOT TO TELL ME THAT MY GREAT UNCLE DIED.

WTF? How do you forget something like that? I know she's under a lot of stress right now, and I know she's probably not supposed to even be talking to me but come on! There are some things that you just don't forget about, even if it means you have to try really really really hard. Could it be because the death was on the "other" side of the family, so she thought it wouldn't matter? I'm seriously looking for an answer here....I just don't understand.

So tomorrow I get to go to another funeral. Insert string of expletives here. Oh how I wish I could get out of this! Josh is going to take Claire to school. And I get to go to a funeral.

Poor me, I know. I'll get over it.

Kaylie is in the school talent show this Friday doing a karate demonstration. She's so excited and I love that this is her first taste of "production". Rehearsals, auditions, call time. I hope the video camera is cooperative.

hits stores June 14!

Combattants de Foo

Deep breath.
I'm back from the dress rehearsal for the MTV Movie Awards at the Shrine Auditorium. It was VERY cool to see Josh in his element and at work. It was cool to see the after party lounge they'd set up in the middle of the back of the Shrine. (red and white theme...mostly white with red accents a la Virgin...it was hosted by Virgin, natch) It was cool to see the staging area for the three bands that are performing - Eminem, Mariah Carey and the Foo Fighters. It was intimidating also, knowing that I was wearing a soft pass that said "Talent" and not quite knowing how to work my way around backstage. Josh was busy, so I couldn't ask him for help. But one trip to the restrooms and I figured my way around. Phew!

Since I got there later in the rehearsal (notice I didn't say "late"!) I missed Eminem and Mariah Carey. Yes, I was crushed. Not. There were random crew people standing in for the presenters and they each went through the presenter's lines. The teleprompter screen was HUGE! I fell in love with all the cameras. I never thought a sea of lenses and cameras would make such an impression on me. The extendable camera was just awesome. I couldn't stop watching it. (must find out its technical name!) Even the regular old film cameras were all new and digital. No more looking in the lens - the videographer has the camera strapped to his shoulder in a harness and a small screen the size of a GameBoy that goes around the front to chest level. That was tight.

On to Jimmy Fallon. What a funny, funny guy. They had some good jokes in there and Jimmy was wearing a green tie. However, he wasn't in full makeup (tsk, tsk) and you could really tell the difference. He had a dark mustache shadow and his face actually looked a little chubby. Swollen? Sorry Jimmy - stage makeup makes a difference. I still love you.

The piece de resistance was, of course, my beloved Foo Fighters. Their backdrop was a bunch of speakers jumbled on top of each other. Got to watch soundcheck, complete with the roadies tuning the instruments and doing sound check. Then, suddenly, Dave himself was onstage in a black KISS Gene Simmons t-shirt. He's much taller than I thought, and much skinnier. But he also has beautiful skin, which is something you'd never know. They did three runs of their new single "The Best of You" and one without vocals. I love how Dave closes his eyes when he sings. Everyone was really spot on and there weren't any kinks to work out. Josh gave me earplugs just in case but I much preferred the full effect of sitting second row center. Yes! Second row center! In the "lounge" with uncomfortable chairs and a few couches. Watch for it if you watch the show. I sat next to Ziyi Zhang and Johnny Knoxville's seats. Dave cracked a few jokes on the mic and he and Taylor did a few minutes of jamming back and forth, playing Sting covers and probably a riff off their new album, or something they just made up. Whatever, I hadn't heard it before. Seeing those little moments are what makes an experience like today's priceless. The natural banter, the smooth merging of drums and guitar between old friends. No need to communicate their next moves - they know each other's. Very, very cool.

Other things I forgot to mention: I also saw Yellowcard perform their cover of Simple Plan's "Don't You (Forget About Me)" from The Breakfast Club. Great cover and an incredible montage from the movie. I loved it. By the way, when did the movie become grainy? Am I that old? Oy. Also got to see the Tom Cruise montage (way too long) that will be played when Katie Holmes (or is it Kate now?) presents him with some generational old fogey award. The montage was good, but all I could think was "Tom - the magic is over." Sad, really. But I really don't see him as being much more than a sum of the characters he's played. I think he's lost track of himself and who he is, or was. Anyway, I'm over you Tom. Gotta keep on keepin' on.

Can't wait to meet the infamous Betty tomorrow and catch up with my October homies. I can't believe our kids are almost 8. EIGHT!

Hats off to anyone who makes it through my rambling about today's events. I'm sure I'll tweak the details as I remember more and digest the day.

here's Hercules...for Gretchen

carbs = comfort

Our post-Las Vegas honeymoon is officially over. Everyone has gone back to work and school after the Memorial Day holiday. Josh has been working with the writers for the MTV Movie Awards all week. Show day is tomorrow. After getting my hopes up about going to the show, I found out today that if I'm lucky I'll be able to get into a rehearsal tomorrow during the day. Wah. But rehearsing Foo is better than no Foo at all, so I'll take what I can get.

We lived through a rent crisis - again. Grammy was hospitalized - again. Grammy is in a rehab facility - again. Nina is on some fabulous trip somewhere - again.

This time, while Josh has been working 18-hour days, I've been courting my loneliness with carbs. Macaroni salad. Potato salad. Rice and beans. Sticky Japanese rice with chicken. Mmmmmm, carbs.

this-n-that

Happy Birthday to my Grammy, who is 85 today!

Welcome to the world Camaili Xeris (Kuh-mai-lee Cee-reese) who arrived less than 2 hours ago. She weighs 7 pounds, 10 ounces and is 19.5 inches long. Congrats to Jannette, Peter, PJ and Viani!

And Jannette - I TOLD YOU IT WAS A GIRL!!!

I finished reading Good Grief today. I about cried through the whole book. Between the book's subject matter (a young widow) and just getting my husband back after two weeks, it hit pretty close to home. I don't remember being more grateful for my wonderful, sweet husband who is also my best friend. To have him home to warm my feet in bed or his strong hands to hold is a gift I'll never stop thanking the universe for. That we've found each other is a miracle. I don't ever want to be without him.

Meanwhile, manipulation runs rampant with The Neighbors. Suddenly because I had to back out of doctor appointment duty due to Kaylie being sick - AGAIN (but that's another story) - I'm undependable, ungrateful and worthless. She doesn't realize how thinly her spite is veiled and how even if it were better hidden, I would still be able to hear it. I'm familiar with contempt, especially coming from her. But no, I took my sick kid who stayed home from school to the doctor and she had to end up taking her own mother to a later, re-scheduled appointment. Oh, the horror. I was responsible for my shit, she was responsible for hers. What-thefuck-EVER.

So the girls had their physicals Monday and all measures up well. The most exciting thing is that Kaylie is now on a regimen of Singulair, Flonase and albuterol for pre-exercise. I'm really hopeful that this will all work out for her and we won't have any more of these nightmare allergy attacks. Claire is slightly anemic and needs to take vitamins, but has so far refused. Kaylie also still needs a fiber supplement, but has refused those too. So tomorrow we call the doctor for a prescription for Miralax for Kaylie and liquid vitamins for Claire.

my boyfriend's back...

...but no one's in trouble. How did I ever survive without him?
The girls are over the moon. Kaylie keeps stroking his arm and giving him random kisses and snuggles. Claire just needs Daddy for everything. He's surprised at how Kaylie's grown up in the past few weeks too.

Swimming again today. It must have been a thousand degrees. We wouldn't survive if we weren't able to be in the water! I love the beginning of summer (btw, Spring only lasts a few weeks in my opinion). New bathing suits, new goggles, pool toys, sunscreen. Of course I had to try the new Coppertone Continuous Spray sunblock and I give it two thumbs up for beach use. It does leave a dry film after swimming, but application took like 5 seconds for each kid and you don't need to rub it in. Just let it dry. At the pool, I'd just go with regular sunscreen. Doesn't make much difference.

Cat got a lizard yesterday. It lived. I released it. Another whopper. Where's my counter?

We went to the 5 Freeway Series yesterday, also known as the Dodgers vs. Angels game at Dodger Stadium. It was the girls' first professional baseball game. It totally rocked, except that the Angels won. We had nachos, Dodger Dogs (which Claire wolfed down in record time, shocking us all), peanuts (yeah, I caught the bag with my right hand and the left side of my face. if only Dodgervision had caught that moment!), cotton candy and MORE nachos. There's nothing like singing the National Anthem in a stadium full of people on a warm near-summer night. Talk about feeling patriotic. I'm so glad my kids got to experience that for the first time!

Sigh. Joshie's home. My world is complete again.

Didja see?!?

I'm so happy this separation is almost over. I can't wait until tomorrow. It will be the ultimate Friday waiting game! I'm so glad that Bryan and Steph are taking us to a Dodger game so we'll be busy during those last few hours. No sitting around and jumping up every time we hear a car.
Okay, so I found the greatest service online: Booksfree.com
Yes, I'm a loser without a library card. Yes, I owe them money - enough money to be a small chunk. Yes, I suck.
But for someone like me who is a voracious reader, has no library access and isn't rolling in dough enough to make lots of trips to the bookstore, this is a lifesaver. I usually receive books as gifts or books that others have passed on to me. When I did have a library card, I was there every other day checking out books. I have lists of titles I want to read, authors to investigate and even more lists of books I've read. Knowing that tomorrow or Saturday's mail will bring me a package of FOUR books is unbelievable! I'm so excited. Which is more exciting - Josh's return of the arrival of my new books? I'm not sure. ;)
Here are the books in my first shipment:

• Little Children by Tom Perotta
• Deception Point by Dan Brown
• The Mind At Night: The New Science of How and Why We Dream by Andrea Rock
  
• Shadow Baby by Alison McGhee

Did I mention that I can't wait?!?

happiness is...

• getting back to the routine of wake up/swim/come home/shower/sleep
• a warm weekend
• new water shoes relatively early in the season so my girls don't have to wear "boy" colors
• a most coveted backpack found on sale
• Daddy comes home in less than a week
• ceramic tile flooring that is actually nice! not cheesy! do-able!

a whole week

It's been a week since Josh left. It will be a week until he gets home. It feels like a week since I've last sat down to take any time for myself and write.

Kaylie started out sick last Saturday. Just a cough and cold, but that coughing bullshit is hard for me, what with all the lovely issues I have. I know it's hard on her too, so believe me I try my best to comfort her. Then Claire got sick. Stayed home from school on Thursday cause she coughed all day. I'm not mentioning the unthinkable because I really can't deal with anyone else being sick right now and so far, so good.

Something (most likely a lizard) crawled up inside my washing machine and died. I kid you not. Now I know what decomposition smells like. Shudder. If it weren't so freaking hot outside I might even take it upon myself to take the washer apart - it's that bad. But no, it's 91 degrees outside and I'm just barely managing to keep groceries in the house and the bills paid. The weight of the world is literally on my shoulders. (LITERALLY! Hee. That skit was on MadTV the other day)

I have a sharp pain in the center and to the left of my chest. Is that bad?

We're kicking off summer early tomorrow and going to Steph's to swim. Thank goodness the weather is back. Normal, hot California weather. The kind of weather that we pay good money for! This is such a great time of year - school's ending, Open House is coming up (still one of my favorite school events!), all the stores break out the red, white and blue decorations, the sand toys, the shorts, the sunscreen. I get to break out the summer clothes. Pack up the sweaters and long sleeves. We get to play at the park in the evening when it's still warm. Summer fruits and vegetables. Barbecuing. Swimming all day at Steph's. Boogie boarding at the beach. Sand everywhere - and I don't even mind! Sleeping good, long, tired sleeps until we get up and start all over again the next day. No set bedtimes. We can stay out late every night. I love summer.

of course NOW!

Kaylie was home from school sick on Friday. Now Claire is sneezing. "It's just allergies!" I say to myself. But no. When Claire asks for medicine on her own, you can be pretty sure she's feeling yucky. Damn it. And of course, now my throat hurts, my chest is tight and I feel like I have a fever.

Bed sounds good right about now.

countdown ticker

mother's day tag

is this bad?

That question is kind of along the lines of "Does this look infected to you?" There's never a right answer.
Both of my kids are awake and playing, albeit quietly, on the bed. The 4 year old is wearing upside down fairy wings. When I asked her why she responded, "So if Kaylie (who is sick) needs me, I can fly to her fast, fast, fast!" Yes, she's sweet, but she's also zipping around the house at 2AM. I hope the Robitussin CF kicks in soon.

so, he's gone.

And I'm sad, sad, sad. Actually, I don't miss him too much at the moment but it's hanging over my head like a dark cloud. I know those last few days (and a couple in between) are going to be hard. I've tried my best to drown my sorrows in pretty paper and chocolate, but I still feel outnumbered and overwhelmed.

slippage

With Josh's departure date being pretty much here, I'm getting sleepier and sleepier. The girls seem more and more unmanagable. Kaylie's sick with the cough-cough thing which would drive me up the wall at any time, but moreso right now. Aahhh, there they are right now, yelling at each other. Time to separate them.

congratulations to...

...the newlywed couple who is expecting their first child together next January. We're so happy and excited for you! xoxoxoxo

my current soundtrack

Another rainy Thursday. I like rain in the spring.
T-minus 2 days and counting until Josh leaves. And I'm not at all thrilled or happy or supportive. I'm just bitter. Bitternuts. I've arranged for packages of pretty paper to be delivered to me from eBay during Josh's absence. That way I'll have something to look forward to other than May 20th.

Btw, his current show is the ACM's, then he's off for a weekend and on to the MTV Movie Awards. For two weeks. Damn, that's a lot of work for not so much pay. This experience is teaching me a lot about sacrifice. I'm not sure I like it.

To keep me as sane as possible, here is the CD I burned for the car. I listen to the playlist at home. Yes, it's pretty random - I could have organized the songs better. But I like the variation in music styles and all the beats are sweet to my ears, no matter what style of music. These are just "Laura Songs". Ask anyone.

(in no particular order)

Amber - 311
Red Vines - Aimee Mann
Redemption Song - Bob Marley
No Woman, No Cry - Bob Marley
Satellite - Dave Matthews Band
Crush - Dave Matthews Band
Are You In? - Incubus
Sitting, Waiting, Wishing - Jack Johnson
Rock Your Body - Justin Timberlake
Pump Ya Brakes - Will Smith feat. Snoop Dogg
Ordinary People - John Legend
Suga Suga - Baby Bash
New Slang - The Stripes
Drops of Jupiter - Trane

been a few days, huh?

I've been scatterbrained. Busy over the weekend. Stressing about finances and Josh's trip. And so, so tired...

Actually, I've been reading a book. A good one! I'm not that into action movies, but man! this would make a good movie. I sure thought I had it all figured out - and I did figure out a few things - but the twists and turns the ending takes are just straight up exhausting. Fabulous and imaginative, but exhausting. I'm still not done with chapter 130-something and I'll definitely need a nap before I finish.

Don't you hate it when someone calls you and you can't call them back but you know they have something important to tell you? Me too. I hate that. (call me!)

purpose driven endorphins

I worked out today. Yay, me!
Bryan and Steph came over for dinner.
My mom and I ordered blinds for the living room.

But here's the "interesting" thing that happened today. One of the moms at preschool (who I happen to really like) was passing out these books - The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Interesting for a few reasons: one, that it's one of the few books Josh has ever expressed interest in reading. Two, that rather than buy the book for myself (which quite frankly was never going to happen) she gave it to me at this time in my life. I haven't started the book yet and probably won't for a few more days. (I'm currently reading Angels & Demons by Dan Brown) But I will read it at some point. Yes, the Christian basis of the book is off-putting. And my friend explained that she's not prostelytizing or trying to convert anyone...and I believe her. She's the kind of person I'd believe readily and I'm not easy to convince. But anyway, the whole thing didn't feel like an Amway pitch or like I was being ambushed. She just knows where I am in my life because she's in a similar place and has similar concerns. I can dig that. But I remain steadfast in that my beliefs are spiritual rather than religious.

Songs I'm listening to over and over:
Jack Johnson - Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
The Shins - New Slang (Garden State soundtrack)
Maybe it's a good thing I don't have an iPod yet. I'd probably sleep with the thing in my ears. I'm the kind of person who gets really into a song or two and plays it to death - repeat ad nauseum. I imagine an iPod would really be a good tool in feeding that part of me.
So here are the lyrics to "New Slang". The colored text is a line that really spoke to me - made me feel in a way that only music can. That was really cool.

Gold teeth and a curse for this town were all in my mouth.
Only, I don't know how they got out, dear.
Turn me back into the pet that I was when we met.
I was happier then with no mind-set.

And if you'd 'a took to me like
A gull takes to the wind.
Well, I'd 'a jumped from my tree
And I'd a danced like the king of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well.

New slang when you notice the stripes, the dirt in your fries.
Hope it's right when you die, old and bony.
Dawn breaks like a bull through the hall,
Never should have called
But my head's to the wall and I'm lonely.

And if you'd 'a took to me like
A gull takes to the wind.
Well, I'd 'a jumped from my tree
And I'd a danced like the kind of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well.
God speed all the bakers at dawn may they all cut their thumbs,
And bleed into their buns 'till they melt away.
I'm looking in on the good life I might be doomed never to find.
Without a trust or flaming fields am I too dumb to refine?

And if you'd 'a took to me like
Well I'd a danced like the queen of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well.

Lizard Count

I think we're up to 2 dead, 4 survivors after this gargantuan guy today. He thought he was allll fancy, prancing around in front of the kitty with his full, long tail. Hah!

also called blue bellies!

western fence lizard

Lizards

I've gotta come up with some kind of counter or symbol to keep count of how many lizards my kitty gets this year. With winter's cold weather not too many lizards are around - I think they hibernate? - so no lizard deaths. But when the weather warms up the lizards like to bask in the sun and kitty just can't resist the temptation. And if the stupid lizards would give up that "defense" mechanism of playing dead, they might have a chance. But usually they don't, despite my efforts at keeping kitty otherwise occupied, locked up or constantly checked on.

It was warm last week. The lizard count is up to 2 dead, 3 rescued. All weekend I just knew that there was a lizard under the washer and dryer just by the way kitty was staring at it. And stalking it. Not leaving it. And sure enough, I find the poor, dark, cold, tailless lizard under my chair. Today she's stalking a gorgeous lizard with a full tail by the bricks at my parents house. We'll see how this one plays out...meanwhile, I have to think of a way to keep track of the count here.

We get mostly fence lizards but some alligator lizards - which bite!

04/25/05 layout

on Fridays

I can't wait for Josh to get home. The wait while he is driving (okay, parked on the freeway) is nearly excruciating. I can only imagine how it is for him.

at the moment...

My plate is full. I have EVERYTHING to do - kid to be picked up in 10 minutes, dishwasher full of clean dishes and a sink full of dirty ones from last night. Prescriptions to be picked up, basics to be purchased. Weekend to prepare for. Pets to be cared for, water to be changed, two baskets of folded laundry to be put away and a load each in the washer and dryer. A patch of 1970's linoleum needing to be mopped. House to be vacuumed, not to mention dusted. And then there are the bathrooms...didn't I just clean those? All of it. Waiting for me.

yesterday's layout

I love my husband because...

...when I opened his box of fruit flavored Mentos all that was left were the pink ones. For me. My favorite. He eats the orange and yellow ones, saves me the pink ones. I love him.

today's layout

Happy 4-20!

On April 20, 1996, Josh presented me with an engagement ring. We'd already set a wedding date and decided that we wouldn't "do" a big diamond type thing. But he surprised me with an engagement ring perfectly designed to my taste. He really did a fantastic job with it. That was 9 years ago today.

Finalized my notary stuff today - I am official and ready to work! Scared, but ready!

No physical maladies to complain of. Today, at least. Gimme a few days.

I actually DID complete a scrapbook page last night, but it was so plain I didn't even bother to scan it. I'm just glad the event is scrapped with appropriate photos and memorabilia. This is Good! After my notary stuff was complete I took a detour and stopped at The Paper Mouse to see what was new. I couldn't wait any longer to order online and being the instant gratification kinda gal that I am, I bought paper. Mostly KI Collection V stuff and Basic Grey Lollipop Shoppe. And some Making Memories Ledger paper that I never managed to find before. (sidenote: KI Memories is my favorite company ever, but Basic Grey is a close second. I just looove their solid papers!) No letter stickers or anything! I know. I can hardly believe it myself. Buying paper is such a rare treat lately, that I really need to have it rightaway so I can touch it and eventually cut it up....aaahhhh, paper. I'll hopefully have a layout using my new papers finished tonight.

no more!

No more headache. Hallelujah!

It seems like Kaylie has never quite adjusted to the time change and her bedtime. She's positively loopy every night. Poor kid. Sleep is so important for her!

Gonna try to get some scrapping done tonight. Wish me luck. Ha, ha, ha.

The Headache

No, not Josh or the kids. ;) It's the Sinus Migrane {tm}. Most often caused by a drop in the barometer or a change in the weather. The nauseating, pulsing, piercing pain is mostly in my right eye, but does do me the lovely favor of spreading to my forehead, cheek and teeth. Lucky me!!

So I'm consoling myself with food. Went to Trader Joe's and stocked up on macadamia nuts, pita chips, hummus, cheese puffs and Pirate's Booty. I also couldn't resist some generous muffin-sized carrot cakes with beautiful cream cheese icing. And they were Good.

My best friend Gretchen stole my weather again. I'm cold and achy. I think I'll go lay down.

orange kitty princess girl

another week passes

...and again I find myself doing a weekly wrap-up. I don't know how I manage to let time slip away without writing. It always seems to be something - a tummy ache, a back ache, family drama, the phone, the kids, the laundry, the dishes, the animals...the something. Really though, this week was busy!

Monday, Kaylie took her 3rd degree orange belt test in karate. If she passed (and I'm sure she did) then she'll be a purple belt! The class also learned some cool jiu jitsu moves from a guest sensei. So cool, in fact, they inspired Kaylie to practice!

On Tuesday a neighbor alerted me to this kitty in his backyard. I trooped up there with the girls and cat carrier in hand. It turned out to not be our old orange kitty boy, but an orange kitty girl with a collar. She is so desperately spoiled and attention starved. She probably got out of the house when she was in heat, wandered too far and couldn't find her way back home. My own kitty is not very thrilled with this recent (although temporary!) addition to the garage. They haven't brawled and the only word that comes to mind is tolerate. Kitty Girl is tolerating this orange one. What a good girl. Meanwhile, I've posted flyers and gotten no calls. I can't believe I'm even praying over this. I really want her to find her home. She seems to miss it so much.

Claire went back to school this week, after last week's drama. Aaaah. It's a relief to both of us to get back into a routine.

Also on Tuesday, Grammy was moved into a rehabilitation center until she regains her strength. Thursday, all of the local grandchildren went to visit her. Boy, was she perky! It was fantastic to see her in such great spirits after last week's nightmare. Personally, I don't think she wants to leave!

Ahhh. I'm listening to Allison by Elvis Costello. I listened to this song so much while I was pregnant with Claire. Allison was our runner-up name choice. Recently, Josh and I thought up a new girl name - Allison Miles. This is, of course, if we never get our Miles Joseph. Big, big sigh.

Tonight is the father/daughter Sweetheart Ball at Kaylie's school. I went to these with my dad when I was younger and it was always such a big deal. Getting dressed up, going out with dad, the cafeteria all decorated...such fun!

sweet, sweet endorphins

Life is good when I work out. I've been doing Pilates since the summer of 1999 and it's truly a form of exercise that I can do all my life. Right now I do mostly matwork at home with Mari Winsor's tapes or a basic workout from her book.
Physical exercise is so important for my health. I really feel so much better. I love the endorphin rush and my problems sleeping...well, aren't. I'm physically AND mentally tired at the end of the day. Go figure!
So I started working out again today. I hope I can keep it up this time...NO, I will keep it up!

(and let's be honest. the weather is warming up and it's bathing suit and shorts season!)

weekend update

My comments about this weekend's "news" items:

Charles & Camilla - I refuse to be happy for them. Yes, they're in love and have loved each other for so long, blah, blah, blah....but still. No.

Potato Salad - Good. But, like tuna sandwiches, better when your mom makes it.

The Pope's Funeral - (technically last week, but I've been thinking about it a lot) How cool that the crowds broke out into applause when the Pope's coffin was turned toward them one last time? That's just cool. Regardless of my feelings about Catholicism, it just struck me as awesome in the true sense of the word.

Marijuana Helps Heart - reduces (?) artery-clogging something-or-other in the blood. Niiiice.

Things I love this weekend:

Zappos.com - shoe love.

Joshie's cinnamon sugar cookies.

weekly wrap-up

• Sunday - spend all night in ER with grandmother and mother. Check grandmother in to the hospital at 3AM.
• Monday - sleep, or at least try to. The usual "back to the grind" stuff. Sore as heck - felt like I was hit by a truck.
• Tuesday - visit grandmother in hospital with cousin. Diagnosis has gone from cellulitis to staph to pseudogout. Ditch preschool and totally regret it. Still sore. Figure out it's from cute sling purse of late. Damn.
• Wednesday - I dunno, I'm lost on this one.
• Thursday - attend funeral in the San Fernando Valley.
• Friday - wake up at 2AM to watch the Pope's funeral. Josh has "meeting" at American Idol offices, which goes well. Cat catches first lizard of the season - lizard survives. Chicken out on the local Mass for the Pope, buy laundry detergent and Swiffer dusters instead.
• Saturday plans - eye appointment for both kids at 3:40PM, then head to the 909 to visit grandmother who is staying at aunt's house, THEN visit cousins for the evening.

too much has happened

Sometimes the days just slip past uneventfully. Then there are others, when everything happens all at once. On Sunday we found out several upsetting bits of news. Some worse than others. But the real event was calling my Grammy (maternal grandmother) and hearing something wrong in her voice. She was sick - very sick. In pain and not able to move, eat or care for herself. In typical "please don't fuss over me" fashion, she was going to wait until the next day's doctor appointment (for a separate problem) to tell anyone. My mom and I went over that night and thought she may have fractured her wrist, which is common in osteoporosis patients. After an hours-long trip to the ER, Grammy was diagnosed with cellulitis. The next day it was diagnosed as a possible staph infection. Today's diagnosis du jour is pseudogout. It doesn't sound far off since Grammy has osteoporosis and osteoarthritis. So we wait for a rheumatologist to confirm.

As usual, while I may outwardly seem to be dealing with the stress, inside I am not. I am sleeping...and sleeping...and sleeping. Hours and hours a day, if I was able. My back, neck and shoulders feel like someone's been beating on me...bruised and sore. (turns out that's from my purse being too heavy...I'm officially old)

Meanwhile, we have a funeral to attend Thursday for a close family member. So much to deal with in the course of one week. Sometimes, it feels like too much.

I LOVE...

Today, I love:

• that my prednisone is working
• NBC's new sitcom The Office
• Mauna Loa macadamia nuts
• Trader Joe's
• this week's Best Week Ever
• that today, Josh and I have been together for exactly 11 years
• this ad by AmericansForTheArts.org that I've been literally carrying around with me for days, I love it so much

Martha Graham